Happy Holidays

Hello!

I hope everyone had a very nice Thanksgiving (if you were celebrating), and I wish you all a holiday season filled with meaningful memories, family, friends, peace and joy. 

Personally, some members of my family and I will be getting away for a week, to spend some quality time together away from the hustle, bustle, and cold of New York.  I will always be a New Yorker at heart, but I do appreciate getting away now and then, as well as coming back home (hopefully somewhat refreshed) after a trip away.

Do you have any exciting projects/ways you're giving back this holiday season that you'd like to share here?  The Birthmark Project is all about empowerment, acceptance, compassion and giving back, and I'd love to hear from you. 

I've spent many hours envisioning what I want The Birthmark Project to look like in the future, and how it can specifically give back beyond it's online presence.  One organization I've gotten involved in, first when they asked me to be their Keynote Speaker back in June, and now through staying involved and joining their Education Committee is the Anti-Defamation League (ADL).  ADL works to fight hate, bigotry and discrimination, as well as sponsors many programs that help students learn about diversity, how to be an ally, and a responsible, aware citizen.  I'm honored that I've been able to continue to help out at this organization.

There are so many wonderful organizations out there, and I want to hear about them.  Please share what you're doing in your own communities.  When we share what is meaningful and inspiring to us, it inspires others, and creates a more giving environment.

I will keep you informed of future plans  for The Birthmark Project, as I'm able to work towards them.  On a more personal note, I'm still working towards my creative arts therapist license (there's one in New York), looking for a job in the field, working on my one-woman solo (theater) show, and accepting new speaking engagments and coaching clients. 

I feel very thankful to have a job while I'm looking for one in my field, and I'm also getting a healthy dose of reality regarding the job market, and difficulty in finding work, even if one has many years of experience in the field one is pursuing job opportunities in.  To all those out there also job searching, don't lose hope.  I truly believe we get the jobs we are meant to have, in which we can be the most helpful and really be of service to others.  Still, I am right there with you with the frustration (that can come and go).  I know our situations are different-the details are different, AND it helps me to remind myself I'm not alone.  I've been speaking with friends and family also looking for work, and we've been trying to support and encourage one another.  Find someone in your life who you can do this with.  It helps--and not just around job-searching, but life in general (as most of you probably already know, but it helps me to be reminded of it, and I'm hoping it will help you too).

What I'd like to leave you with this holiday season is an appreciation for the people in our lives-our family, friends, the nice barista at our favorite coffee shop, a helpful stranger, a new friend, meeting new people, making new connections, and getting back in touch with friends and family from our past.  This is what this season is really about and (in my humble opinion), what life is really about. 

Happy holidays to you all!

Jennifer

Founder, The Birthmark Project

Finally, a new post. Sorry for the delay!

Hello everyone! I hope you all had a great week, and are looking forward to our first weekend in November 2011.

I've decided to try writing (possibly)shorter posts, but more frequently. I'm honored when anyone takes the time to follow this blog, as I know how "packed" life can feel sometimes. Thanks for reading this, and not giving up on this blog.

You may have noticed from past posts that I'm still shaping what I want to include in this blog. Many of you know I have a Facebook page, The Birthmark Project, and am on twitter @BirthmarkProj. It's been months since I shared some of my story (via a speech) at a luncheon to raise money for anti-bullying initiatives. A small edited portion of this speech was shown at the end of the 7th episode (I think) from the 4th season of The Real Housewives of New York City. It's on youtube if you missed it, and are curious. I never imagined I'd be able to reach others through a reality show like this one, but, as I've said before, I'm grateful for the experience and all it has led to.

Moving forward, let's continue to expand The Birthmark Project's online presence. Please invite your friends and family to join our community on Facebook, twitter, and through this blog. AND, please feel free to post inspiring quotes, resources, articles,and so on related to compassion, wellness, anti-bullying causes, self-awareness, self-esteem, diversity, and acceptance. Thanks! I look forward to hearing from you!

More later. Have a great Friday!

Inner Bully, Meet Inner Strength

This post is different than the approach I've been taking in my previous posts.  It's something I've thought about introducing here for a while, and it feels like the right time.

Let me tell you a little more about me first, for those visiting for the first time.  As many of you know, my name is Jennifer.  I have a large facial birthmark which also travels down my neck and covers my right ear, the back of my neck on the right side, and splashes itself across my right shoulder.  I also have a hemangioma in my bottom lip, which is basically a benign tumor that makes my bottom lip appear larger than my upper lip.  These differences have greatly affected my life.  I have arrived at a level of acceptance I didn't think I would ever possess, even with its imperfections.  There are still days I'm less accepting of myself.  I see this sense of acceptance, like everything else in life, as part of the journey.  It is not stagnant.  It moves.  It changes, just like life.

I'd like to share with you what has helped me on this path toward greater self-acceptance, true acceptance, not narcissism or inflated (but false) self-esteem, but meaningful and compassionate acceptance of myself and others.

To share this with you, I'm going to introduce you to different characters within me.  I first started to name them and recognize them during my study of creative arts therapy, particularly drama therapy.  I knew some of them had existed for years, perhaps my whole life, but actually naming them, defining them further and recognizing how they present themselves and why, has proven extremely helpful.  Instead of letting my inner bully steer, for example, as I had in the past, I am aware when it pops up, and I have other characters/parts of myself to stand up to this inner bully.

There are various characters I've met over the years.  (Remember, this is in the realm of the imagination to an extent.  These are characters in my head.)  Today, I'll introduce you to two-- inner bully (IB) and inner strength (IS).

Inner Bully (IB)  has met Inner Strength (IS)-many times.  Each time, there is a moment when IB doesn't remember that IS exists, and there is a sense of shock and surprise.  The question that follows always seems to be the same:

"What are you doing here, and how did you get here?"-IB says.

Inner Bully can take on many forms, shapes and genders, but today he seems like an angry, frustrated and bitter man.

"You're not supposed to be here.  Why don't you just go away?  You're not needed here," he says.

Of course IS isn't needed by IB.  She gets in the way.  Let's hear from her-

Inner Strength (to Inner Bully):

I am needed more than you know, or, perhaps you do know, and that's why you want me to go away.  It has been too easy for you.  I belong here.  I've always been here, and always will be.

Sometimes I've been quiet.  Sometimes, I can't quite feel myself here.  That's probably why you forget about me so easily.  You tend to grow louder during those times.  You try to make me feel like I don't exist.

I won't let you.  I have always existed.  I just didn't always know it.  I didn't know what I could do, what was possible, and why I was here at all.  When you did acknowledge me, you told me I was worthless, unnecessary, too weak to carry on, certainly not a match against you.  You were wrong.  You're still wrong.  You may still exist, but so do I.  I'm not going away.
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Do you have an inner bully and inner strength?  Many of us have these characters within us.  You may have different names for them.  They may show up in different ways in your life.  Maybe you've been aware of them for years, and maybe this is the first time you've given it any thought.  Wherever you are, I invite you to let them have a conversation.  What do they have to say to one another, and to you?  Are their thoughts accurate?  Do you believe one or both of them?  How is that affecting where you are in your life today, how you move in the world, and what you think of yourself?

Please feel free, if you feel safe doing so, to share here, and let me and the readers know if you welcome feedback, or just wanted to share (and don't want feedback/comments).  

Please have compassion toward yourself through this process, should you choose to try it.  If it feels like your inner bully is very chatty, and your inner strength is at a loss for words, for example, notice this, but don't "beat yourself up" over this.  Awareness is the first step toward change.

Till next time,
Jennifer

"No Place for Hate"

This past Monday, I was the keynote speaker at the Recognition Ceremony for students involved in ADL's No Place for Hate program.  It was very inspiring, being a part of this special day.  I had mentioned, on The Birthmark Project's Facebook page, that I was working on my speech, but didn't really give a lot of details about this program.  So, here is some more info..

This year students and teachers from 26 schools-all around NYC, and one on Long Island, took part in this program.   Through special projects over the course of the school year, the students learn more about diversity, being an ally (esp when they see a classmate being bullied), bias and prejudice.  They acquire skills they'll be able to take with them the rest of their lives.  One of the teachers from the program, Julie Mann (who won the Educator Award at the ceremony-Go Julie!), posted a link to the project her students worked on this year, on The B Proj's Facebook page.  Please check it out!

It was an amazing experience, being a part of the ceremony on Monday.  First of all, the students themselves are incredibly inspiring.  I don't even know all the details of the many projects they worked on over the past year, but I could tell from their energy that day that these are great kids!  Some of them have commented on The B Proj's Facebook page.

What made the experience so rewarding was sharing my story with students from grades K-12, and hopefully being able to inspire, empower and motivate them.  For me, this is what I want to do with my life--inspire, empower and motivate others, and reach out.  I'm not sure on what scale I'll be able to do this, but that's the main reason I share my story.  I've shared my story through performance in the past, and have worked in the helping professions (on and off) for several years.  I want to continue to include performing in my future, AND I'm looking forward to speaking more (which many people feel has a performing component to it).

This experience was unlike any I've had before.  I didn't know if the students would be interested in  what I had to say, or if they would start to yawn and "rest" their eyes for the 7-10 minutes of my speech. To be honest, for a very few quick seconds during my speech, I found myself wondering if I was boring them.  But, as soon as the thought appeared, it was gone.  My focus was on the students, afterall, and allowing these thoughts--clearly from my inner critic (who could be my inner bully when she really gets mean) to distract me from this would have been letting them down.

(As I write this, I realize some of the students from that day might be reading this post.  If so, hello and welcome.  Thank you for visiting this blog:). And, yes, I am being quite honest in the above paragraph.  One of the reasons I want to include these thoughts from my inner critic/bully is because, from my experience, most people have their own inner critic.  Perhaps you can relate.)


Everyone involved in the ceremony had a warmth to them and a genuine commitment to civil rights for all.  Who says New Yorkers are cynical and rude?  (Certainly not me.)  I'm very grateful to have learned about No Place to Hate, and hope to continue to work with them.

Some other highlights of that day:  The P.S 22 Chorus (of course)!  You may have seen them on Oprah or The Academy Awards.  I love that they're encouraged to express themselves through the song, and not just stand there and barely move (as is often the case in other choirs).  

This is where I end (for now).  More to come on this day.

Please share in your comments any organizations you're involved in that help to lessen the amount of hate in this world.  Thanks!

-Jennifer

Birthmarks, bullying, and better days

I'd like to welcome everyone new to this blog, and those returning!  Thanks for checking it out.  I hope you get something out of your visit here.  Please forgive me if you already know all this, but in case you don't..a little history of how I ended up on The Real Housewives of New York City.

Back in the fall, my stepmother, Jill, asked me if I wanted to share my story for a luncheon she was planning, to raise money for anti-bullying initiatives.  Before she asked me to speak, I knew I wanted to be involved in some way.  This is a cause I feel very passionate about, not (just) because I was bullied, but because I believe no one deserves this treatment.  There needs to be more compassion, kindness and love in this world, and I'd be honored to contribute to such a worthy cause.  Even though I knew it would be taped and could end up on television (and had some mixed feelings about this), I said yes.  If putting myself out there, even if it's a little scary and I don't know what the results could/will be, can help others, then that's what I want to do.  

Which brings us to this week.  Last night, a part of my speech was on at the end of the latest episode of "The Real Housewives of NYC."  As often happens on reality shows, much of my speech wasn't included on the show that aired, but I am grateful it was included at all.  I've heard from many people who could connect with the speech in some way, which has been an amazing experience and extremely humbling.  Many of you have shared your own stories with me.  Thank you!

I started a facebook page, also called "The Birthmark Project" two years ago, to encourage self-acceptance and compassion for self and others, and to celebrate and embrace what makes us different.  In the end, many of us, if not everyone, has a "birthmark," -something that made or makes us self-conscious, and possibly the target of bullies.  I have an actual large facial birthmark and hemangioma, but I use the word "birthmark" as metaphor as well.  I've learned that what once made us the target of bullies or insecure (or both) also has a lot to teach us about life.  

I'd love to hear about your experiences here.  What have you learned?  What do you hope to pass on to younger generations?  

Although I started this blog a little while ago, I hadn't written recently.  I wasn't sure if people would really be interested in what I had to say.  The response from last night has encouraged me to start writing here again.  

 

Thank you to all of those who "liked" The Birthmark Project page, and for your incredibly supportive and kind words.  As I wrote on the page earlier, I hope you can all extend these kind words to yourself.

Finally, many of you have heard of this project, but for those who haven't--please google "It gets better."  It's an inspiring project that grew out of response to the suicides of young people, after they were bullied.  

Please share your thoughts and comments.  I look forward to hearing from you.  Let's stand up against bullying, and call for compassion and kindness.  

Thanks for taking time out of your day to read this.

-Jennifer

 

Less than three months and solo performance

I don't believe time has passed by so quickly, and I haven't written anything for this blog in so long. I'm still not sure if anyone is really reading this, besides a few friends. If you are reading, please become a follower. In exchange for your loyalty, I will write more:)

My title refers to my move to New York, a homecoming of sorts. The last time I wrote, my move was 6 months away--so, yes, I've allowed too much time to pass without writing.

It's not that I have nothing to write about. My life has been fulfilling, meaningful, and full of joy lately (with its' share of challenges too). I've recently finished my studies in Core Strengths Coaching, a form of life (and executive) coaching that draws on the client's strengths, and works with these strengths to help the client work toward specific goals. I've been combining my creative arts training and experience, and tweaking it to use with coaching clients, and I look forward to creating a coaching practice in New York. But, this is not all I'm doing...

I've decided, in addition to my outside writing (outside of this blog) to get back into creating and performing original work, especially work inspired by my life, and my challenges growing up -looking so different. I've been in the director role lately, working on one man/woman shows, but I miss working on my an original piece of my own, and I miss performing.

We all have something that makes us self-conscious--especially as kids, right? I'm willing to share my experiences with an audience (hopefully) in a way that I hope will be moving, maybe even inspiring and motivating. It's all connected to this blog too--and my desire to create and share meaningful work with the world. I'm not saying these posts are necessarily awe-inspiring--but they're honest and reflect my feelings/thoughts/musings in this present moment.

Right now I'm feeling some excitement in sharing this with you, even though my description (so far) is quite vague. I'm at the beginning stages with this solo theatre piece. I may name it "The Birthmark Project," but maybe not. I'll share more with you as I develop the piece.

I leave you with this question: What is beauty?

Please, if you feel comfortable, share your comments. I am interested in what you have to say.

I haven't written in almost a month. I guess I'm not sure where to take this blog. I have made some big decisions with my life since just last month. I've lived in San Francisco now for a little over 5 years. I originally came here for graduate school--to study counseling psychology and drama therapy. There are only two grad programs in drama therapy in the U.S. One is in NY-where I am from and was living before I moved out here. The other one is here, in San Francisco. I finished grad school three years ago. Originally, I was planning on moving right back, and I'm still here. I didn't feel ready to move back yet--I haven't felt that it was time until....

My nephew (May 2008) and niece (December 2009) were born.

I always knew I would eventually move back to NY, and I also never expected to stay here as long as I have, but it's been great--experiencing a new city, having to meet new friends, be on my own more than I ever have before (most of my family is back in NY)-it has been-please excuse the overused word--but it HAS been a journey. I've been thinking more and more about moving back east over the last 1-2 years, and feeling that it is nearing that time more recently. So, in about 6 months I will move back to New York.